MERRY CHRISTMAS

It’s Christmas time again and every year I pull this out. I originally wrote it in 1985 and have given it as a gift every year since then. Roland thought it was funny then and I see no reason for him to change his mind about it now.
So, Merry Christmas everyone! Charmian


December 13
My Dearest Roland

I was thrilled to receive your wonderful gift today! The tree looks beautiful in the yard and there is a live partridge in it. She seems to think she is at home there and I try not to disturb her. What a wonderfully, unusual gift.
Your true love,
Charmian

December 14
Dearest Roland:

How romantic of you! The two turtle doves are absolutely beautiful and they sound so nice. Their cage will stay in our bedroom and every time I look at them I will think loving thoughts of you. Thank you so much for being so sweet to me.
I love you,
Charmian

December 15
Dearest:

Well, well! How special. What a surprise! Three French hens – my goodness. I’m speechless. How nice. I think I’ll put them in the tree with the partridge.
Fondly
Charmian

December 16
Dear Roland:

The four calling birds are in the tree with the rest of the birds – they don’t seem to like it there.
Your wife
C.

December 17
Roland:
Am I supposed to know the significance of five gold rings? I’m so glad you didn’t send more birds! Now I have rings for one whole hand – maybe I should find bells for my toes and go to a party! You don’t do things half heartedly, do you? Thank you for thinking of me.
Love,
Charmian

December 18
Roland:

What is with you and your sudden love of birds? Do you have any idea how mean geese are when they’re nesting? You know, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, absence has shown a side of you that I never knew existed.
Charmian

December 19
Roland Gatlin

I don’t know what sort of fetish you have suddenly developed with birds (and I don’t care to know). What the hell are you doing? Do you know how many birds are living here now? Twenty three! The seven swans swim in the lake and crap on the dock, the geese are constantly honking about the swans getting close to their eggs and they crap in the yard. And the calling birds – thank God that’s a misnomer. I haven’t seen the partridge for three days. I can only hope she is migratory. For God’s sake – no more birds.
I am disconcerted,
Charmian

December 20
Mr. Roland Gatlin

You know I detest sick humor. I don’t deserve this! Why are you sending me such bizarre “gifts”? The cows and the eight milkmaids made a mess of the neighborhood. The cows frightened the geese into the neighbor’s garage. When he came out to get into his car one of the geese bit him. Not only do I have swan shit on the dock and goose shit in the yard, but now I also have fresh cow patties everywhere. There are fourteen buckets of milk on the kitchen counter and those milkmaids eat like horses. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT send me anymore gifts and you had better not come home any time soon. You must be some kind of pervert to think of doing something like this. This is not funny!
C.G.

December 21
You IDIOT

The police were here. They were investigating complaints about the animals. While they were here the nine “ladies” appeared on my doorstep. I shudder to think where you may have found them. The policeman took one look at them and called for reinforcements. He seemed to like it when the told him they were “waiting”. The neighbor with the goose bite came over all aglow and the police issued a not so subtle warning to me about solicitation. I’m just very thankful that the cops didn’t see milkmaids. I don’t want to deal with you! You are sick!

December 24

Listen, horse’s ass, I have had it! You are a menace and must be mentally deranged to think of these things. The ten leaping lords scared the hell out of me when I opened the door. The cows were so frightened by the pipers that they stampeded and crushed the nativity scene in the neighbor’s yard. One of the cows got her foot caught in the plastic baby Jesus and that caused quite a stir among the children across the street. The lords a leaping trampled the goose eggs. When the pipers tuned up the swans and geese panicked and attacked the milkmaids. The odor is unbelievable. There are thirty eight (38!) people here not counting me and all is not calm and bright. If you appear on my doorstep any time soon I’ll rip your face off. Do you understand?
C. G.

December 25, 1998
Hughes, Howard, Shultz and Nemitz Attys.

Re: Telephone Conversation December 21

Things have gotten worse! There are now, on my property, twelve drummers, eleven pipers, ten leaping lords, nine “ladies”, eight milk maids, seven swans, six geese, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a possible partridge. The “ladies” are no longer say they are waiting, nine of the lords leapt at that opportunity. One of the lords became enamored with one of the drummers and the pipers are talking about forming a rock group with the milkmaids as vocalists. The problem seems to be no one can play a synthesizer. All of the birds and cows are still here. I will pay you with the gold rings. The pear tree and what is probably the best-fertilized lawn and dock in the area are crawling with thrill seekers. I want that jerk stopped!
Sincerely
Charmian Gatlin

Hughes, Howard, Shultz and Nemitz Attys.

Your client, Charmian Gatlin, has signed a written release and requested that we notify you she is unable, at this time, to comply with your request for information. She is a patient here and is expected to remain in our locked facility for at least six more weeks. She has only recently reconnected with reality but the connection is tenuous. Ms. Gatlin occasionally hallucinates and seems to believe birds and other animals are destroying her. She is not currently deemed dangerous to herself or others however, our optimism is guarded. Hopefully she will be available for a consultation with you in about four weeks. We understand most of the charges against her have been dropped. Hopefully your power of attorney will be adequate to handle the remaining legal problems. We will update you on her progress as appropriate.
Whispering Pines Psychiatric Hospital

Looking Forward

Our Thanksgiving was very quiet and unstressful this year. We had our feast on Sunday with me Holly, Deana, Kelly, Delaney, and Austin. It was really pleasant and the food was great. Then on Thanksgiving day I made some "Santa Fe Soup" and sweet potato biscuits with the potatos left over from Sunday. That soup is unbelievably easy (it came from the wife of a boy scout leader who camps a lot) and it is delicious. The recipe is on the recipe section of this blog.

I'm preparing for my South America trip. We (I'm travelling with Ann) fly to Santiago, Chile on Sunday December 7 and sail to Punta Arena, Chile, Ushuaia, Argentina then around Cape Horn. We will visit the Falkland Islands, Montevideo, Uruguay and Buenos Aires, Argentina then end up in Rio De Janerio, Brazil and fly home from there on December 23. I'll complete three of my "100 things" list; sail around Cape Horn, see the Southern Cross and see Sugarloaf Mountain. We'll also get to see the tango done by Argentinan dancers. I'm looking forward to being away from work for two weeks - burn out takes its toll!

Holly and Deana and I will be spending Christmas alone this year. Kelly and Delaney and Austin are going to Texas for 2 weeks. Holly, Deana and I go to Utah in January for Lexie's birthday. I was looking at the pictures of her (Lexie) on Megan's blog. She and Austin looks so much alike! Just look - It's amazing.

THANKSGIVING

The Gatlin's, part of the Wood's, and part of the Stephanson's will be celebrating Thanksgiving on Sunday, November 23. As is typical of every holiday Holly has to work and Deana will probably go to her Other Grandma's for dinner. What's new is Kelly and Delaney and Austin are thinking about going to Texas for Thanksgiving. I'm spoiled enough to insist on having the family (those who are here) together for a celebration even if it is on the wrong day. Give us a call. We'll all be here I hope.

HISTORY

I have been glued to the presidential campaign for weeks and then was glued to the election results. It doesn't make any difference who I voted for. I was strongly moved, start to finish, by the excitement and emotion of Obama's win. When McCain gave his consession speach I was moved by his eloquence and sincerity and the effort he was making toward reunification. Obama's acceptance speech was wonderful and fitting for such an historical event. This election is, by far, the most important election of my lifetime.

When Obama talked about the 106 year old woman who voted I cried. Just imagine, she is a witness of 103 years of United States history. She saw New Mexico and Arizona admitted, live the horror of WWI and WWII, experienced prohibition, and the ratification of the 19th amendment allowing women to vote. She heard about Lindbergh crossing the Atlantic non-stop, the market crash of 1929 occurred, and Native Americans were granted citizenship while retaining their status in the tribe. She was told Japan attacked Pearl Harbor then the US A-bombed Japan. She heard about Blacks boycotting buses in Alabama and the Supreme Court ordered school desegregation. We were involved in a war with Korea. Alaska and Hawaii were admitted, the civil rights movement began, John F. Kennedy was assassinated. There were angry demonstrations against the Vietnam War and the Hippie movement came and went. Man landed on the moon. Watergate happened and Nixon resigned as President. There was the Moral Majority, Star Wars, personal computers, CDs, VCRs, and cable TV was common. And, of course there was the Web and animals were cloned. Amazing!

For the first time in a long long time there seems to be hope for our nation and a willingness to embrace diversity. It feels like a democracy. It feels like a United country. I am no longer afraid to take my US Flag cane with me when I travel outside the US. And I no longer say I'm embarassed to say I'm an American.... there is hope.

Deana's Homecoming and Halloween

Deana went to the homecoming dance for her High School Friday night (Halloween). She looked so pretty. Brian, "he's just a friend", was adorable too. I guess he must be 15 because he doesn't drive - his father brought him to pick up Deana. When she got home I asked her if she had a good time. Her response, "It was awesome"

It took Holly and Kelly, Deana's sister, about an hour and a half to curl her hair.
I'm so proud of her. She knows how to have a good time, laugh with her friends and family, and maintain her good attitude (usually!)

GENERATION Y

In its January 22, 2008 edition, the Quebec City, Canada, newspaper,
Le Soleil, had a topic about generations by age group.

Generations are grouped as follows:

The Silent generation, people born before 1945.
The Baby Boomers, people born between 1945 and 1961.
Generation X, people born between 1962 and 1976.
Generation Y, people born between 1977 and 1989.
Why do we call the last one generation Y. I did not know, but
A caricaturist explains it eloquently below...Learned something new!

SOME WHERE OVER THE RAINBOW IS ANOTHER RAINBOW

Holly sent me this shot of a double rainbow over the space shuttle launch site. We see them quite often here but this is really impressive. You can just barely see the second rainbow.

Trip to South America and Christmas

I am planning to count off a couple of the 100 things to do before I die list in December. I'm going to South America and cruising throug the straight of Magellan and around the southern most tip of South America (Cape Horn), thats a picture of the cape above. From what I've read I also should be able to see the Southern Cross along the way. This photo reminds me of our relative insignificance in the universe.


We fly to Valparaiso, Chile from Orlando. The stops are Punta Arenas, Chile; Tierra Del Fuego Argentina; Cape Horn; Pt. Stanley Falkland Islands; Montevideo, Uruguay;Buenos Aires, Argentina and Rio De Janeiro Brazil.

I'm so looking forward to the trip! I leave on the 7th of December and don't return until the 23rd. I will miss most of the Christmas preparations (the part of Christmas I enjoy the most) but I think this trip is worth it.

Today I was driving down the road and saw a sad, sad thing. Someone was displaying the American flag at half mast. The flag was faded and ripped and I could hardly tell what the colors were. Not a block down the road a bright, colorful flag flew at the top of the flag pole and the sun was shining on it. It was waving in the wind and it seemed to glow. There's no life lesson here, just observation. I get a thrill every time I see a flag displayed although I don't display one. Maybe there is a story behind the dull, ragged flag I saw; or maybe it was just carelessness. Whatever happened it reminded me that I love America.

In another awareness experience I discovered that Brownie (Kelly's miniature Daschund - is that how you spell that?) has been pooping in the cat litter. There has been a sort of passive/aggressive battle since Brownie got here. Brownie has gotten to sleep in Holly's bed where the cat usually sleeps and now Brownie has messed up her bathroom. To add insult to injury, somehow the cat was left outside for 3 or 4 hours while Brownie got to be in the house. Now the cat is not speaking to anybody in the family. I would think that a dog as smart as the one in the picture (that's Brownie) couldn't plan passive aggressive behavior.

Politics

I continue to be frustrated with this whole campaign. Both sides have said things that were false, partially false/true, and true. They've given words taken out of context, stretched the truth, and twisted the truth. Here are two sites that report the real situation one of the politicians has referred to. Who the heck knows how many times McCain or Obama voted on something or whether they have "flipped" in their stance on an issue. Interesting sites.

http://politifact.com/truth-o-meter/ and http://factcheck.org/

And here is the Saturday Nigt Live parody of the vice presidential debate.

SOMEONE CAN'T DIVIDE! IS IT ME????

The numbers sent by the guy who wanted to share the wealth instead of having a bailout were wrong. Here are the corrected numbers using the proposed $700 million. It took me a while to find how many zeros are in a billion but the division was easy. I'm still angry about considering a bailout but I definitely dont need screwed up statistics fueling my anger. Here are the numbers based on the proposed $700 million.

The $700,000,000,000 bailout (yes there are nine zeros in 1 billion, I looked it up)
If that $700,000,000,000 was given to every U. S. Citizen over 18 years old (divided equally among us) what would we have?

Assume there are 200,000,000 U.S. Citizens over 18 yoa. (our population is around 301,000,000 if you count every man, woman and child.)

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $700 billon that equals $3500 - a huge difference from what that guy was talking about.

Give $3500 to every person 18+
it would NOT be tax free of course.
So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay $1050 in taxes.

That sends $210,000,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

Every adult 18+ has $2000 in their pocket.

A husband and wife team would have $4000

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRADY

Happy birthday to my wonderful son. I'm so very proud of him. By the way I couldn't find many pictures without his finger in his nose. It was years before we ever got a good shot. As soon as he thought he was in the view of the camera he'd stick his finger in his nose. He is a great father and a great son.

OK So I'm angry about politics too

Since I'm ranting I might as well continue. I absolutely loathe liars. Loathe them! And McCain just can't seem to tell the truth about much of anything. Now I know Obama has had his share of lies but at least his are subtle, McCain doesn't seem to care as long as it promotes his agenda. I am posting this at 3 PM on Friday September 26, 2008 and the debate - which McCain said he wouldn't attend - isn't even scheduled to take place for about 5 hours. This add appeared this morning. Does this tell you anything about the McCain campaign? A mistake? Well yeah. How many will we tolerate and still consider him a viable, honorable candidate?

And what about McCain's lie about his reason for canceling his appearance on the David Letterman Show? The man can't seem to tell the truth. And then there's the "economy is strong" statement. Did anyone happen to try to buy silver or gold today? Guess what - the dealers had no silver or gold to sell except in the form of minted coins.

Maybe I'm done with this. I have got to quit watching the news.

I DON'T LIKE LAS VEGAS

I just returned from Vegas. I went there for a forensic counselor's conference. Not only was the Conference disorganized but just as soon as I entered the smoke soaked hotel (The Golden Nugget)I started coughing and I didn't quit until I got to the smoke free environment of the air port. Amazingly the cough stopped immediately; no coughing at all in the air port, on the plane and at home.




Seeing my son and his family was wonderful but from now on I will try to see them in Utah or elsewhere - definitely not Vegas. Eating lunch at the In and Out Burger has become sort of a tradition but Megan told me they now have one in Hurricane.


The kids got to swim and see the sharks in the shark tank but that's about it for their entertainment.

The atmosphere is absolutely not family friendly. Billboards are at the least very suggestive and some are out right sexual. When we walked through the Excalibur and another hotel/casino I sat on a bench across from a Coyote Ugly shop. The TV was playing loud, LOUD music which I ignored at first. After resting a few minutes the words to the music permeated my awareness and I was shocked at the graffic wording. Is that popular music or is it just what Coyote Ugly plays? I admit I'm out of the loop where popular music is concerned but that was downright pornographic. I hated hearing it and I hated reacting to it. Fortunately my daughter-in-law got the kids out of there before they caught sight, or in this case sound, of the music.

Even the Donnie and Marie show had a somewhat suggestive spot in their performance and I must say I was disappointed in that. The show was energetic and the banter between Donnie and Marie funny. They really are good entertainers. The show didn't compare to Celine's but it was fun. I think Celine spoiled me.

I'm about done with my ranting but the bottom line is I won't go to Vegas again unless I have to. If you don't put money in slots or enjoy seeing half dressed women and drunk people or disgusting billboards there is not a lot else there. I felt like I needed a bath the whole time I was there. Definitely not peaceful and uplifting.

Starlings in Flight

I had a request for this from a friend who wanted to see it so here it is. Enjoy.

THE SHACK

While we were on vacation at Siesta Key Kelly just casually mentioned hearing about a book called The Shack from one of her customers. A couple of days after that Holly, Deana, Delaney and I went to the Whole Foods Market then to a Books-a-Million. When we walked in the front door The Shack was on a display stand directly in front of me so I grabbed it. It is a short book and should have only taken me a couple of days to read it but, I didn't want it to end. I stretched out reading time by only allowing myself to read it while I was eating breakfast. This wasn't a really good idea because the story often brought tears, laughter, insight, and creative ideas to mind. So much so that breakfast took an hour or more to finish.

Being a Mormon, albeit inactive in the workings of the LDS church, I know I have been given the most truth I am capable of receiving concerning (among other things) the nature of God. I know Him as kind and wise and loving and often playful. I know that He solves huge chaotic problems in such a way that every person involved benefits from the solution - something we, as humans, cannot seem to do. I also know Jesus Christ; his loving nature and purposes, and his love for us. Sometimes I tend to ignore Him but I always know they are there. This book simply reminded me of how wonderful a relationship with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is. It reminded me of the truths I hold so dear. I don't normally like the mainstream "Christian" literature and admittedly, The Shack does occasionally get a bit "Protestant preachy". That being said, I loved reading it and I loved more what it reminded me of - My loving, intimate relationship with God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. It is worth reading!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I think being 67 is something to laugh about; the older I get the more there is.



GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!


IS SHE REALLY ASLEEP?

I'm Pocahantas!

You Are Pocahantas!

Free-spirited and wise. You have a strong passionate spirit that touches and changes all who know you. The wisdom and common sense that you have is really what guides you through life. Even so, you also have a very playful side that loves adventure and excitement.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

Vacation on Siesta Key

I just spent a week on Siesta Key with my two daughters and their families. We stayed in a two bedroom Condo which was really nice.
What fun! Walking every morning on the beach and watching the sun rise was inspiring. The storms which came and went in about 20 minutes were the result of the hurricane in the gulf. Waves were often above my head and the troughs left me in knee high water. I had to time my exit from the Gulf so I wouldn't be knocked over.

We visited Turtle Beach (has artificial sand!)

Gasparilla island

and Sanibel/Captiva.

Thomas Edison's summer home is in Fort Myers but no tourists are allowed inside if it is raining. There is a huge banyan tree on the grounds that was to Edison by Harvey Firestone.

At night the kids would play while we worked on jigsaw puzzles - a totally mindless activity which is addicting.
We stopped at a burger joint on Sanibel called Cheeburger Cheeburger. They had something like 1000 flavors of milk shakes and a challenge for Jamie - the one pound cheese burger. If he ate it he got his picture taken and placed on the wall of fame. Best of all the played 50's music. Deanna definitely did not like my singing "yip, yip, yip, yip, boom, boom, boom get a job" to her.
I should have the rest of the pictures from the vacation posted on my travels Blog soon.